If Only
by TearsOfaSingingPhoenix
Summary: Snape looks into the Mirror of Erised.


**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Harry Potter**

The mirror with a gilded frame stood in front of him. The man with greasy black hair knew what he would see in it, yet he could not help himself. Slowly walking in front of the mirror, he gazed into its depths.

Lily appeared, as he knew she would. A ring was on her left finger and yet it was so different from the ring he hated. She stepped closer to him and in his reflection Severus saw Lily wrap her arms around his waist and hug him. With a jolt, he realized it was _his_ ring he saw on her finger. His ring, how long had he stopped thinking of that, imagining that possibility? Yet, he could not help but wish that it was the truth.

If his ring was on Lily's finger she never would have died. She would have stayed with him, safe and happy. Severus knew that if Lily never left him, if he had never so accidentally pushed her away, this mark would not stain his left arm. In the mirror, he saw that too. His left arm was free from the menacing skull wrapped with a serpent. His desire for freedom from the Dark Lord was shown as well. So much would have been different. If only she was his.

He watched the beautiful reflection with longing evident in his black eyes. Lily's red hair swirled down her back like a crimson waterfall. Her emerald eyes glimmered more than a million gems. She was worth more than that to him as well. What he would not give to have Lily back, even if she wasn't his. If Lily was alive he could live with the rest. He would even be fine with the fact that she chose James, if only she was still living.

But she was not living. Her body lay in a grave in Godric's Hollow. A grave he would visit silently and always under the protection of a Disillusionment Charm. A grave he would weep over.

His fingers clawed down the glass as he crumpled to the floor. His head rested against the mirror, the cold glass giving him none of the comfort that Lily would bring.

A single tear slid down his face. He watched the mirror Lily place her hands on his shoulders to comfort him. Tears streamed down her face as well. If only the mirror showed the truth, if only he could step through it and enter this dream world, the world where Lily was alive.

_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. _I show not your face, but your heart's desire. How Severus wished the mirror showed the truth.

In silence he sat there, his billowing robes spread out and wrinkled around him. No one could hear or see him like this. The snarky, sarcastic Potions Master would not let anyone see him in this state of pain. Weakness could never be shown. Only the strong and powerful succeeded. This was what he had been taught to believe his entire life. Yet, as he stared at the green eyes of the woman in the mirror, he couldn't help but wonder if this was a lie.

So many of the strong and powerful people that he knew had betrayed him. Was it worth it to be powerful if you killed innocent people? Was it worth it to be strong if you crushed everyone around you, if you destroyed their dreams and hopes, if you took away entire futures? He didn't believe so. Not anymore.

The trusting eyes of Lily gazed down at him and the terrible feeling of guilt that always stayed with him deepened. He had killed her. He had not uttered the curse that ended her life, but he had killed her just the same. If he had not been so eager for power and so desperate to fit in, he never would have delivered that prophecy to the Dark Lord. If only he had stopped for a moment to think of what the prophecy might mean instead of charging to tell it to his master. It was his own fault that the love of his life was dead. His own fault, how horrible it was to know that you had a hand in your love's death.

He remembered the night he went to Dumbledore for help. The powerful winds that whipped past his head and howled through the dark night mirrored how torn he felt about going to who should have been his enemy. But it was his only choice to keep Lily safe.

It had worked, for a while. She, along with her _husband_ and child, went into hiding. They were kept safe by the Fidelius Charm and the trust of their friends. That trust was broken, though. Their secret keeper soon told the Dark Lord the Potter's location.

He remembered screaming and collapsing onto Dumbledore's desk the night he heard the news. Lily Potter was dead. His hopes and dreams died with her that night.

Severus Snape came out of his memories and looked once more into the Mirror of Erised. Lily remained there, sitting beside his reflection with her arms wrapped around him in comfort.

"I love you." He whispered hoarsely. If only there was truth in that image, if only…

**Please review! It only takes a second and will make me very happy**


End file.
